A Parent’s Right: Advocating for your Child

By Kevin Brathwaite, Guest Blogger

When my children first started school, I thought being a “good parent” meant showing up — going to teacher conferences, helping with homework, and attending their school events.

However, as they have grown (now both in high school — which still feels impossible to say), I’ve learned that being engaged and being an advocate are two very different things.

Being engaged is about showing up.
Being an advocate is about speaking up.

The reality is that sometimes, speaking up is the only way to make sure your child doesn’t slip through the cracks.

Over the past few years, I’ve spent more than 80 hours — yes, really — in meetings, emails, and calls with schools. While some experiences have been great, others have tested my patience and resolve. But every time I’ve spoken up, it’s been worth it – when your child’s needs aren’t being met, silence is not an option.

When Schools Forget That Parents Are Partners

It is important to note: parents and schools should be on the same team. Sometimes, though, there can be conflicting interpretations of that partnership.

When I ask questions, request updates, or push for clarity, I’m not trying to tell teachers how to do their jobs. I’m trying to make sure my child has the chance to thrive. Yet occasionally, that’s met with eye rolls, deflection, or the dreaded line:

“We encourage students to advocate for themselves.”

Sure. And I do too. But there’s a big difference between teaching independence and ignoring a legitimate issue that requires adult intervention.

True partnership means stepping in when necessary — with respect, with facts, and with the shared goal of helping a child succeed.

I have been fortunate to collaborate with many exceptional teachers and administrators who embody this spirit of partnership. They view parental engagement as teamwork, not interference. But not all interactions are this constructive—and when communication breaks down, it is the student who suffers most.

The Basics Every Parent Should Expect

Even in the best schools, things fall through the cracks. Teachers are human, administrators are busy, and systems aren’t perfect.

But there are a few non-negotiables that should always exist in the parent-school relationship:

• A positive and nurturing environment that supports both academic and emotional growth.
• A system that actually adapts to a child’s changing needs.
• Mutual respect and open, two-way communication — not just comments on report cards or at IEP meetings.

If any of these things start to fade, that’s your signal to lean in — not back away.

Schools Are Human Ecosystems

We’d love to imagine schools as perfectly coordinated machines where everyone collaborates effortlessly. But in reality, schools are made up of people — and people come with biases, personalities, and blind spots.

Even the most caring teachers can miss something. That’s okay — as long as parents feel welcome to fill in the gaps.

The truth is, children are not all the same. They learn, develop, and mature differently. Expecting every child to “self-advocate” at the same pace is unrealistic. A one-size-fits-all approach to issue resolution rarely serves the child’s best interest; it often prioritizes convenience over results.

If your child has a 504 or IEP plan, the stakes are even higher. Those supports often look great on paper but can get lost in day-to-day practice. That’s when parents have to step in and ask, “What’s actually happening here?” Are the accommodations actually being provided in the classroom? Are they really effective?

Recognizing When It’s Time to Step Up

The signs that your child needs advocacy can range from subtle to glaring. A dip in grades, changes in behavior, or dismissive teachers can all point to deeper issues. Other times, the red flags are unmistakable.

Here are a few that have told me, “It’s time to get involved again.”

• Emails go unanswered.
• Direct questions are deflected or receive vague responses.
• You are told to “let your child handle it” — even when it is clearly too much for them.
• The IEP or 504 plan is more of a checklist than a real support system.
• Your child fears that advocating for themselves will make things worse.
• Concerns are framed as the student’s fault, without examining the teacher’s role
• Self-advocacy is cited as the foundation for issue resolution, but there is no intentional framework in the school to help students develop this skill

When that happens, it’s not just your right to act — it’s your responsibility.

Advocacy and Independence Can Coexist

Here’s something that needs to be understood: advocating for your child does not mean that you are stifling their independence.

Advocacy is not about doing everything for them — it’s making sure the system is fair enough for them to do it themselves.

Our job as parents is to make sure our children have the tools, confidence, and support to succeed. That includes modeling what it looks like to ask questions, push for clarity, and expect accountability.

When we advocate, our children learn that it’s okay to speak up — and that they don’t have to face challenges alone.

Your Voice Matters

Ultimately, advocacy is not about being the loudest voice in the room; it is about being the steady one that does not fade when things become difficult.

If your instincts tell you something is wrong, trust them. Ask the difficult questions. Expect real answers. Respect educators and administrators—absolutely—but do not remain silent for the sake of convenience or politeness.

Your child’s education is too important to sit on the sidelines.

It’s your right to know.
Your right to partner.
Your right to engage.
And most of all — your right to advocate.

Use it. Advocacy isn’t about conflict — it’s about connection.

It’s about showing up, staying curious, and remembering that parents and schools ultimately want the same thing: for children to thrive.

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With more than 1,800 affiliated parent organizations in all 50 states, Washington, D.C. and Puerto Rico, the National Parents Union is the united, independent voice of modern American families. We channel the power of parents into powerful policies that improve the lives of children, families and communities across the United States. https://nationalparentsunion.org/